We have a few Englishmen on this site so it seemed only fair that we do a joke page that mocked them and then ask one of them to write the commentary on it. After all, we’ve done jokes about the Irish, Scottish and Indians, so it only makes sense.

English Jokes

Yes, I’m English. And yes, I am sorry.

I don’t know what I am sorry for, but we English have a habit of apologizing for things we didn’t do. I can’t tell you how many times someone has bumped into me and my reaction has been to apologize. They did the bumping, they should be the one apologizing, but that’s not how my English sensibility works.

Speaking of which, here are a few English jokes mocking that sensibility.

#1

#2

#3

#4

Indeed. And to make it worse, my fellow countrymen are not great on foreign soil. There is a certain frustration when others don’t speak our language, and yet we rarely make the effort to learn theirs. If you are an English tourist with a phrasebook and a determination to learn, kudos, but if you insist that everyone should speak English, even though you don’t speak a second language, then you sir, are an idiot.

#5

Sounds like an actual conversation I have had.

#6

I can see this happening to the Monty Burns type. I know he’s American, but it’s a stereotype we do well too.

#7

#8

I have a cousin exactly like this, only she’s a little more honest with her stupidity. She laughs along with everyone else, stops just as the laughter is dying down and says, “I don’t get it”. On the plus side, it’s just what we need to get started again and the second time around she has a good idea of what we’re laughing at.

#9

#10

Now that’s an eye-roller if I ever heard one, and I’ve reviewed quite a few pages here (see our Soccer Joke Page and Golf Jokes Page) so I have heard a few in my time.