The Best Joke Site on the Web (Probably)

Pensioner Jokes

We are not agist in the least (seriously, we have old friends) and to prove that we have created a joke page that mocks them.

Okay, so we know how it sounds. But we had good intentions and to be fair, we also have pages that pretty much mock everyone else…within reason. Also, these jokes are just as much “for” the older generations as they are “against” them. And that’s the last excuse we’re using. Honest.

Pensioner and Old Age Jokes


Funny Pensioner Jokes

When I can’t be bothered with the human race I wear a hearing aid and just pretend that I can’t hear anything anyone is saying. It really works and I now suspect that my grandfather was doing the same for the last twenty years of his life.


Funny Pensioner Joke

Another great benefit. Maybe this old-age business is not so bad after all.


Free Pensioner Jokes

We’re making a lot of assumptions. Not all old men are bald and not all young girls are beautiful. Then again, maybe the girl is the bald one and the old man is the beautiful one.

Although I admit it’s a bit of a stretch.


Pensioner Jokes Picture

A woman under the age of 18 will pretend she’s older; a woman below the age of 60 will pretend she’s younger; a woman above the age of 70 will tell you exactly how old she is every time she opens her mouth and you damn-well better be impressed.


Best Pensioner Jokes

Or, if she’s my grandmother, just talk to her. She uses swear words like punctuation. I feel offended every time I ask her if she wants a cup of tea.


Very Funny Pensioner Joke

Ah yes, the old age groan. Never mind the first grey hair, the sign of old age setting in is the day you can’t stand up without a bodily click and a verbal groan. If you’re an old man at heart like I am, then that sound will come much sooner than it should. I had my first groan when I was 18 and I was practically cashing in my pension by the time I hit 30.

By the time I hit 35 I will be screaming at kids who go anywhere near my lawn and treating the obituaries like FriendsReunited.


Short Pensioner Jokes

How do you know you’re lazy? Your parents phone you in the middle of the afternoon and ask the same thing. In my experience, old people usually insist that they don’t need a lot of sleep and barely spend 6 hours in bed at night. They are typically proud of the fact, but don’t realize that they spend at least another 6 hours napping in front of the TV without realizing it.


Long Pensioner Jokes


LOL Pensioner Jokes

A Pensioner Jokes page wouldn’t be a Pensioner Jokes page if it didn’t have at least 1 quip on flaccid genitalia.

And they say I couldn’t work two keywords and 1 penis into the same sentence. They don’t know who they are messing with.


Hilarious Pensioner Jokes

Thankfully she seems to have a team of international athletes running after her. They’ll catch her someday. Unless they’re doing that “race-walking” thing, which is a distinct possibility from the look of their oddly distorted poses.

You know the one, it looks like they are desperately clenching their ass-cheeks to avoid a disaster as they hurry to the toilet. Then again, maybe Paula Radcliffe should have opted for the race-walk-clench all those years ago. It would have saved her the embarrassment and made her dry cleaner hate her considerably less.