We know that wedding jokes aren’t everybody’s cup of tea. They are a little old-school, as much a part of an old-time comedian’s routine as racism and casual sexism. But there are some beauties here and we have scoured the internet in order to find them, by which we mean we paid someone else to do it for us.
Still, the end result is the same. We also asked our resident bitter, grumpy English comedian to comment on these jokes. So, take let the laughter and the complaining commence.
I’m not married, so these wedding jokes may be a little lost on me. However, I get humor and I know what a wedding is, so that qualifies me, right?
See, online dating is so common that even the animal kingdom is doing it. Just so you know, I was doing it way before it was cool, back when the only people who used the internet lived alone in their parents’ basement and where dating sites consisted of shady chat rooms where everyone lost their nut as soon as they sensed that a woman had entered their domain.
At first I thought our researchers had made a mistake. It wouldn’t be the first time. Between typos and completely offensive jokes (seriously, most of my job is just rolling my eyes and pressing “delete”) I don’t do much else. But the joke caught up with me before I divorced this wedding joke from the page.
Not on AT&T then.
And the guests all succumbed to a serious case of blood cancer before slowly rotting from the insides out.
Maybe my punchline wasn’t as catchy.
You have to question the feelings of a man who keeps a mistress for 25 years. There’s only so many times he can tell her, “I’ll leave my wife for you soon” before she eventually realizes that she may be being taken for a ride. “Just another decade and maybe I can stop hiding in cupboards and pretending to be his sister”.
It’s also the only way they can guarantee they will be the best that the woman has ever had.
This one completely escaped me. But I have been informed that it’s a cultural thing, something to do with reality TV in the US, etc, etc., I’ll stick to my Scottish jokes for the time being, because this baffles me.
Double sigh. Is it home time yet?